Monday, August 31, 2009

Back on Board

The last few weeks have been very tough emotionally but I'm back on board thank God. Things sucked so badly I felt physically ill but it's over and I'm glad.

My son is much much happier, he chats away and his mood seems much lighter overall. There are no more tears at bedtime and no tears upon wakening.

Home schooling is proving to be very interesting ;) and is certainly challenging but I feel like my brain is really waking up and I find myself constantly thinking about how I'm going to teach this and how I'm going to teach that. My son is a very hands on learner rather than staring at a blackboard (which turns into staring out the window) so we have been doing a lot of experiments, cooking, using learning based computer games, maths puzzles, building things etc. All very cool and interesting. I would have loved this as a kid.

The really great thing about it is that we are not confined to a room, we can get out and about a lot of the time and will certainly be doing more of that as the weather warms up.
We have a fantastic, huge, brand new (and very very funky looking) library, museum and cultural centre rolled into one opening up next week just 5 minutes from our place and I can't wait to get inside and have a look around. They are going to be seeing a lot of us me thinks!

On the healthy living side of things all of my exercise and eating commitments went right out the window. All the goings on of late would have been a perfect opportunity to observe my feelings and sort through them or simply just let them be but old habits obviously die hard with me because I was eating anything and everything that wasn't nailed down. Forget the exercise, it just didn't happen.

It's funny that when I need it the most, when I really really need tender loving care, I turn against myself. I do it all the time and I don't really know why.

I guess the instant comfort that food can bring outweighs the lasting comfort a strong, healthly, light body can bring. Instant being the key word. So then am I impatient? Is that what's going on? I want it now, is that it? Hmmmm, food for thought haha.

Anyway, I don't want to mope, I just want to get back on track and come up with a plan for those times when I'm feeling a bit low (and a lot low) and want to eat the leg off a chair.

Suggestions certainly very welcome :)


Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Home Schooling

Yesterday one of the biggest decisions of my life was made and that was to home school my 9 year old son.

It was not made without lot's of considered thought, it was not an overnight decision and it was not one that I particularly wanted to make but made it is.

My little boy has never faired well at school, he struggles in the classroom and as a result of not being able to get the one on one help he so obviously needs he has fallen behind his peers in many learning areas. Of course this makes him a prime target for the bullies, throw in not being particularly sports oriented at a sports mad school and this makes for a pretty miserable school life.

After seeing the principal (again) on Monday and having him excuse one of the bullies involved as being "competitive" rather than calling it for what it is (calling someone dumb, gay, stupid etc and pulling the hat off their head until the strap breaks is apparently competitive sport these days) that basically was the straw that broke the camels back.

This is an ongoing situation in all areas of his school life and I am watching my child lose his confidence, his self esteem not to mention being failed educationally by a system that doesn't cater for kids that don't "fit the box" and label them simply as lazy rather than needing help.

I have spent the last week crying and have just spent the last hour in tears typing up a letter of intention to register as a home educator. I wish it wasn't happening. I am so deeply hurt for my child but my maternal heckles are also well and truly up and I will do whatever I have to do now to ensure the wellbeing and happiness of my son.

This seems off track a little but the other night I went for my fortnightly Reiki session (which I love, love, love) and thought it might be a good idea to take my son along thinking that if anything it might help him relax.
The place I go to has a number of Reiki students who can only be described as a simply gorgeous, highly intuitive bunch of kind, caring people. You basically go in, write your name down on a waiting list and wait to be called.

My son was called and in he went and lay down. I was called next and ended up on the massage table next to him. The Reiki is all done very quietly, very peacefully in a candlelit room with relaxation music playing softly and nothing is asked of you. They just simply lay there hands on you and move around to areas they feel drawn to.

My son finished first and went into the other room to wait for me to be finished. The lady that worked on him approached me after my session and asked if he was my son. Remembering that these people are very tuned in she then proceeded to tell me that she thought that my son was being rather badly bullied at school. She said that she felt that one of his teachers picked on him and that somehow he wasn't quite believed when he spoke up, that they weren't really listening to him or believing him. She said that she felt he was at breaking point, that he had the weight the world on his shoulders and needed help. She asked if he always had trouble at homework time (very very true) and did he have anger outbursts from anxiety and frustration linked to school (again, very very true). All of this blew me away and I was so glad I brought him with me. It just reinforced what I knew to be true.

Anyway, today I register with the Education Department and will officially withdraw my son from the public education system. To say I am a little scared is an understatement but I know with all the support I have that I CAN do this. Me and my boy together!

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Around my place today

After walking my youngest to school this morning I decided to keep going and headed down the road to the lake. I pushed myself a little and ended up walking much further than I normally do - lovely on the way, slightly regretful on the way back :p
It was a beautiful morning however, and I really got into just how lovely the day was. I loved the feel of the sun on my face and the cool breeze was just right, just enough to stop me feeling too warm. There were lot's of walkers, joggers and cyclists out and about and I smiled and said hello and good morning to all of them. Everyone seemed happy. I think springtime is definately in the air. I've always thought people change, they seem lighter and happier when there is sunshine and warmth.
Once home and showered I got stuck into a bit of housework and then made a baby spinach, asparagus and orange salad (and a bit of apple) with feta cheese and an orange and poppy seed dressing. I had some left over vegi curry (a delicious recipe thanks to Phil at Skinny Latte) and wild rice in the fridge so had some of the with it. Really, really, really, really good!

I've thrown in some pics of what's going on in my garden at this time of year. I just love the weather we are having lately and cannot wait for summer. I dream about floating around in pretty sleeveless sundresses and feeling light and feminine. If I just keep going, keep walking, keep eating well, keep thinking right, then this could well be the summer that it happens.

Bring it on!

Monday, August 3, 2009

Belated Blog Introduction

So 3 posts into this blog and I haven't even introduced myself and hadn't up until now decided what I wanted this all to be about.
I have so much inside that needs to be sorted our hence "Sorting everything inside" but I'm not really sure that blurting it all out here will be helpful and I guess reading about someone elses depressing old baggage does not make for a particularly great read.

So, I have decided that this wee blog will be about what is great in my life, the things that make me smile and laugh and bring me joy whatever they may be. I hope that by concentrating my energy on the positive and what is wonderful about life the "blahs" I have felt lately will be gone. Positively gone!

Okay, so here we go. I am a 30 something lass that goes by the name of Claire. I have 2 great kids, both boys, and a loving partner of 12 years that never fails to crack me up.

I love cats, love, love, love um and have 4 of the furry little critters. All rescued!

We also have 2 dogs, 2 birds and a fish pond out the back.

So I guess you can say that I love animals.

I draw alot and have done since I was a teenager. I used to get up to all sorts of mischief and was always getting grounded so I spent many an hour in my room with the stereo cranked right up and drew away to my hearts content. Many people have told me I should get into tattooing and I am now considering getting a tattoo gun and a heap (and I mean a big, big heap) of practice skins and seeing if I really could be any good at it.

I love water. Swimming pools, the ocean, lakes, water falls, water slides, anything to do with water. It does me wonders mentally, I don't know why. Funny thing is I can't stand drinking the stuff. I find it very hard to get down. It's boring to me I guess and makes me pee like a champion.
I haven't eaten beef, pork or lamb for about 5 years. I still eat a little chicken but do not feel particularly great about so giving it up is on the cards. I still eat fish.
I am half English, half Irish and was born in Mauritius. I lived there until I was 2 and then lived in the UK up until the age of 11. We then moved to Australia.
I still have dreams from time to time about walking down the High Street in the little seaside town I lived in. Sadly I hear that half the shops in that street are boarded up and the town has gone to pot. Still, in my dreams it is as it was.

My weight has yo-yoed up and down the scale most of my life and a lot of the time reflects what is going on in my life emotionally. Yes, I am one of those emotional eaters. A born worrier that can eat her way through the entire fridge contents when the shit is hitting the proverbial fan in life. My eating always seems much much more in control when things in life are sailing along. Which I guess is why I have spent most of my adult life overweight. Not a lot of my life has been plain sailing so I really want and need to understand what to do and how to feel and how to deal with emotions rather than stuff them all back down inside with food.

Okey dokey, that's probably way to much waffling about me for one day.

A few weeks ago I decided that my family had to take priority over me working on Sundays (yeah I know, it sucked) so I gave them up. I feel so much happier and love that we now go out and about as a family and spend time in the sunshine, walking, talking, laughing and eating ice-creams ;)

We have a "you beaut" camera which I have never really learnt how to use so yesterday it came with us on our lovely day of sunshine. The place in the pics above is 5 minutes down the road from where we live. The sun shone warmly all day and the air smelt of freshly cut grass, I was with my little family and I was in Heaven.